The Positivity Trap—The Law of Attraction Overlooks Trauma
Challenging the conventional wisdom of the Law of Attraction to uncover how people with trauma can find healing and manifest joy on their own terms.
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(This post isn’t about writing and authoring. But it is about mindset.)
It's taken me a long time to realize that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for people with trauma. Or at least, the conventional LoA practices don’t work—things like visualizing, affirmations, and positive thinking.
There are many things that cause trauma—abuse and neglect, violence, accidents, loss, etc. When it comes to the Law of Attraction, the challenge is that trauma affects beliefs about oneself in deep and profound ways. It can leave us believing that we’re unworthy or unlovable. It can leave us with a lack of trust in others and ourselves. It can leave us believing we’re powerless or shameful.
For the longest time, I was told that if I just maintained positive thoughts, I could manifest anything I desired into my life. But as someone who has lived in survival mode most of my life, I found that the conventional wisdom surrounding the Law of Attraction didn't quite fit my reality.
Per the Law of Attraction, if I'm struggling with something in my life, then obviously I need to think different thoughts.
But that logic doesn’t account for trauma.
Because the thought that I'm doing something wrong—like messing up the LoA—is in itself a trigger.
Once I’m triggered, my thought process skips right over reason and straight to the belief that there is something inherently wrong with me—that I’m unlovable and unworthy.
And let me just say that writing those words in no way encapsulates how it feels. It’s a terror unlike any other, a tightening in my chest and a shortness of breath. Like falling out of a plane without a parachute.
Except when I’m triggered, I’m not falling out of a plane. I’m sitting on my couch trying to write in a gratitude journal… and struggling to take a deep breath.
I want to think more positively. But I quite literally can’t.
It took me a while to learn that for people with trauma, traditional manifestation teachings could do more harm than good. In fact, they can actually increase emotional dysregulation, anxiety, self-blame, flashbacks, and disassociation.
Once I learned that, it made so much sense—why so many LoA practices make me feel worse, and not better. (Obviously, defeating the purpose.)
It’s because no matter how many affirmations I say, my trauma has me believing there’s something inherently wrong with me, on a fundamental level.
Visualizing a new car doesn't work when—because of my childhood experiences—I believe I’m unlovable or broken.
Very recently, I’ve started approaching the Law of Attraction from a new angle. One where healing is prioritized, and positive thoughts are welcomed but not forced.
Sometimes, our biggest achievement is simply getting through the day—and that's more than okay.
Lately I've been journaling. It’s one of the things I do to process and heal. And I've had to work through some memories and beliefs to try to get to the truth of who I am.
Because I won't—I can't—let the pain of my past win. I can’t keep believing that I'm unlovable.
Delving into these memories is tough, often painful work. Yet, every so often, like a break in the clouds, I catch a glimpse of the real ME. Not the version of me that's been shaped by years of survival and trauma, but the ME I was born as—a bright, joyful, lovable spirit.
Right now, for me, the LoA is not about visualizing material wealth or success. It's about doing whatever it takes—be it therapy, journaling, medication, or any combination of healing practices—to see more than just fleeting glimpses of that bright spirit within me.
It's about practicing the belief that I am, indeed, lovable.
Maybe, for those with trauma, the Law of Attraction is not merely about attracting what we want through visualization and positive thoughts.
Maybe it's about the deeper work of rediscovering and reclaiming the parts of ourselves we thought were lost.
Maybe it's about peeling back the layers of pain and fear to reveal the truth of who we are at our core—bright, joyful spirits deserving of love and happiness.
Maybe it's about leading us to rediscover and embrace the essence of who we are—encouraging us to believe, bit by bit, in our worthiness of love and all good things.
And as we do, we find that what we attract into our lives begins to change, not because we're relentlessly positive, but because we're authentically ourselves—flaws, scars, and all.
hugs and happy authoring,
Ella
"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." - Maya Angelou
One of the downfalls of many meditation, mindfulness, and manifestation techniques is that they affect everyone differently. Like you stated, people with trauma often experience greater pain, discomfort, or mental chaos in response to these practices. That’s something that must be accounted for!
When I think of the Law of Attraction, I imagine that we all have little buds on the surface of our bodies. An object or person can only glom onto us if we have an appropriate bud. Our responsibility is to produce buds when we can, and if this means overcoming trauma first, then that is the work we must do. Trauma is essentially an injury, and if the injury is to the region where a bud needs to be produced, the region will have to heal before any growth can take place.